VSFS: Air Kisses, Cleavage, and Hip Bones

I don’t like the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. I love Victoria Secret, but I don’t need to see how great models look in bras and booty shorts considering I will look like them uhhhhh never. Not that I really want to.  Considering eating disorders and self image problems are so prevalent in today’s society it’s upsetting that it’s aired and loved so much but I digress.  It is on decently later in the night so I hope the ten year olds are all in bed, but if you think the image of these models doesn’t effect a 21 year old girl equally as much, you’re wrong. You know how she’s going to feel the next time she’s with a guy, who obviously watched the show too? Horrible. But whatever. It’s on TV and people will talk so let’s talk.

I don’t know any of their names. They all look alike to me. Sorry. I know Cara’s the funny one and one has a gap tooth and Adriana is the really pretty Brazilian (Kanye likes her).

Fall Out Boy is playing and all I can think about is Edge Fest and Grade 10 English. I’m questioning the choice of performers.

This is what their boobs look like with a push up bra? Oh, girls, I’m so sorry.

Taylor Swift tries to be sexy and walk with a strut beside the models. Don’t.

They start to interview the models.

I feel like I’m listening in on the United Nations of Pretty Bitches trying to distinguish all their accents.

I get annoyed with them saying “can’t believe it”, “dream come true” and “wings” and change to Modern Family when the slow song starts playing.

Cameron is so funny on this show.

Tune back to check on the angels and they’re talking about this girl who fell in rehearsals last year and didn’t get to walk! OH NO! It actually looks pretty painful but, that’s what happens when you don’t eat pizza and walk in heels.

Since she fell last year she gets to open the “Birds Of Paradise” section. Who makes up these names?

Tears.

Air kiss count 30

At least the girls doing selfies will have some kisspiration for tonight.

Air kiss count: 34

Okay, the pink unlined bra is fuckin cute, I like the bow. Hate the wings.

It’d be nice if they showed a size bigger than 32B.

Commercial- try to restore brain cells.

WOW Cara’s eyebrows. Aggressive

She wins most fearless social media poster…. You go girl!

Tweegret and Instashame. Really? REALLY? You’re models. You don’t have any of this. I didn’t even know I should have this. Apparently this is a thing.

You get paid to be beautiful and have pouty lips. You BETTER have millions of followers.

WOW. Lots of colours, must be the PINK collection. I still can’t believe they named a store PINK. Are the capitals necessary?

Note the old, fake tanned, men who are front row giving the home audience a light show.

Her wings are a happy face balloon… so who did she piss off?

So does anyone see what’s actually for sale in this collection? Every model could go straight to Avicii at Guv and fit in perfectly.

By the looks of it most of the models  got things started pre-show so they’d roll up to Guv and shuffle their way in- probably even try to bump a few lines, because they’re models.

Do you think they trade Kandi?

The see-through white tu tu, is that available? Actually?

Models start talking, I know they have to be smarter than what they’re being portrayed as. Right?

“Taylor Swift is amazingly talented”- Model.

Okay, maybe they’re not.

“She’s the American dream.” Well, ya if the dream was to get your heart broken enough times to win a Grammy. No breakups= No Grammys. I’m convinced.

Commercial is of DQ cheeseburgers. Yes.

Shows back and it’s the fitness section to promote a healthy lifestyle. Ironic.

JACK PLAYS.

TUNE.

“They train like professional athletes”… well, they don’t because they’re not, but anyway.

I like this Adriana though, I question if she always wears her fake eyelashes to the gym. That seems like a bit of a hassle.

Snow Angels section. I’m sure the models are snow angels every Saturday

TSwift lipsync’s Trouble…. it’s about a break up, shocker.

I wish Kanye was around to stop her and NOT let her finish.

But, her dress has more sparkles. I like this.

Cut to model holding her boobs. COME ON. So thirsty. I don’t know how or why the men of this world are being rewarded in this way?

Song drops into a dubstep remix. This is so scary.

Air kiss count 54

I like all this white, crystally shit.

They all have perfect hair. PERFECT.

That’s it? I don’t think I lost more than 25 braincells during that experience.

Fall Out Boy gives each other a piggy back ride offstage. Ouch.

The models pose for a pic. The self loathing amongst girl crews worldwide begins.

Air Kiss Count: more than one per minute, I kid you not.

Home Alone is now on. WIN.